remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I have fence marks all over my body
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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