never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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