i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
