come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
