Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
