i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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