She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You need a sexual gate keeper
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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