Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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