he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
