so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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