the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
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