This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize