i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
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OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
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Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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