We're facebook friends in real life
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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