So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
