he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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