I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He did a backflip because drugs
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
