i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
