If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
