im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
