too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
