I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
