for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
