i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
my poor anus
You've changed since you got that strap on
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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