AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
