guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
