I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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