My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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