I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
