the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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