apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
