she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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