I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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