i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
