Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
