Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize