So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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