During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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