Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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