There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
