Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
