Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
