O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
