so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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