i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
