Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
