Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
