it's too hot outside to masturbate.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize