i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
