i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
