I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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