she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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