so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
