I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
In America we eat man semen.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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