my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
