Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
i think my cat just said my name.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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