Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
