i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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