Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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