I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
