I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
