it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
