You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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