And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
