About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
