wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
