so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
