I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
