Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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