Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
