he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
