I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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