in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
