I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
