last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dicks are not precious.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
